I have been reading a lot lately. I don't know why, I seem to just kind of go through phases. Sometimes it's my nails, sometimes it's my hair, sometimes tattoos, out of all the phases this one seems to be the cheapest and the entertainment seems to last longer, so that's two positives. I have read all the "OMG you have to read this" books and finally went searching for something different because I wasn't as impressed as I thought the top hits of books would be. Don't get me wrong, they were good (well some were just okay) but I like a book I can relate to.
It was $0.99 and a memoir on teenage pregnancy called The Girl Who Couldn't Say No. I couldn't completely relate to this book because, well, I was 17 when I got pregnant and she was 15. She got pregnant in 1994 when it wasn't as acceptable and I got pregnant in 2003. She is somewhere in Europe going to a private catholic school, and I am in America going to a public school. The father of her child disappears from her life while the father of mine marries me and adds to the family. So yes, there are a lot of differences however I can relate. I could relate to the looks people give when they find out you are having a child so young. I can relate to the questions of "who is the father" and "are you sure?" and the whispers behind my back about how my life was ruined. I could relate to wanting to do everything I can for this baby, doing what ever it takes to graduate, support, and love my child.
None of it has been easy, there have been times I feel like I have failed, that I didn't make the right decision. Most of those thoughts came before my beautiful Bella entered the world. Like when I let my 6 week old puppy fall off the bed and dislocate his hip. I took him to the vet, paid to get it fixed and then spent that whole night crying because if I couldn't take care of a dog, how would I ever be able to take care of a child. I am sure a lot of it was hormones, and I know a lot of it every mother goes through. What got me in this book, is that just because I was young doesn't mean I was different than any other mother.
When I got angry at people just trying to help, I always took it as they didn't trust I knew what I was doing because I was young. Turns out she felt the same way. May have been the age, or it may have been the part that I just wanted to prove everyone wrong (I wasn't a terrible mother like they thought I was). It turns out it doesn't change, even after Cambri I need help once in awhile. I need a babysitter, I need Johnny to just take over for a minute because the screaming baby has me wanting to rip my hair out. If I had other family close I am sure there would be nights I call and ask for them to rock the baby instead. Don't get me wrong I have felt a lot more confident with Cambri than I ever did with Bella, but I really don't think that is age, I think it is a first time Mom compared to the second time Mom (and the fact I have no choice). As I have gotten older I have seen first time older moms take their baby to the ER for a mild fever, which turns out to be an ear infection. Mothers who call their mother begging for help, because young isn't the reason you do it, you do it because you are a first time mom, and in all actuality first time older moms panic just as much as a younger first time moms. It doesn't just come natural, as people sometimes make it seem.
I did good almost the whole book and then at the end she had me tearing up a few times. She is talking about if she would change the way she did things would she, what she says is "What you give up is nothing compared with what you gain. If you don't believe that, you just don't get it." She is really so right, I have been asked if I would change things, and I know well before this book that no, not in a million years. I love the way my life has turned out. No college degree, or multimillionaire husband will change that. Everything I have done has made me who I am. The wonderful mother and wife I have become, even if I don't always feel that way. At the end of the book she says "I can feel, with every tiny bit of my being, that this is where I am supposed to be. it's not tragic, it's not second best - it's perfect." What she says is the truth, and even if I didn't have it as hard as her, I know that I feel the same way. My life may not be what my family dreamed for me, or even what my husbands family dreamed for him. But everyday we make our dreams come true, together, and we couldn't be happier doing it. That's all that matters.
It was $0.99 and a memoir on teenage pregnancy called The Girl Who Couldn't Say No. I couldn't completely relate to this book because, well, I was 17 when I got pregnant and she was 15. She got pregnant in 1994 when it wasn't as acceptable and I got pregnant in 2003. She is somewhere in Europe going to a private catholic school, and I am in America going to a public school. The father of her child disappears from her life while the father of mine marries me and adds to the family. So yes, there are a lot of differences however I can relate. I could relate to the looks people give when they find out you are having a child so young. I can relate to the questions of "who is the father" and "are you sure?" and the whispers behind my back about how my life was ruined. I could relate to wanting to do everything I can for this baby, doing what ever it takes to graduate, support, and love my child.
None of it has been easy, there have been times I feel like I have failed, that I didn't make the right decision. Most of those thoughts came before my beautiful Bella entered the world. Like when I let my 6 week old puppy fall off the bed and dislocate his hip. I took him to the vet, paid to get it fixed and then spent that whole night crying because if I couldn't take care of a dog, how would I ever be able to take care of a child. I am sure a lot of it was hormones, and I know a lot of it every mother goes through. What got me in this book, is that just because I was young doesn't mean I was different than any other mother.
When I got angry at people just trying to help, I always took it as they didn't trust I knew what I was doing because I was young. Turns out she felt the same way. May have been the age, or it may have been the part that I just wanted to prove everyone wrong (I wasn't a terrible mother like they thought I was). It turns out it doesn't change, even after Cambri I need help once in awhile. I need a babysitter, I need Johnny to just take over for a minute because the screaming baby has me wanting to rip my hair out. If I had other family close I am sure there would be nights I call and ask for them to rock the baby instead. Don't get me wrong I have felt a lot more confident with Cambri than I ever did with Bella, but I really don't think that is age, I think it is a first time Mom compared to the second time Mom (and the fact I have no choice). As I have gotten older I have seen first time older moms take their baby to the ER for a mild fever, which turns out to be an ear infection. Mothers who call their mother begging for help, because young isn't the reason you do it, you do it because you are a first time mom, and in all actuality first time older moms panic just as much as a younger first time moms. It doesn't just come natural, as people sometimes make it seem.
I did good almost the whole book and then at the end she had me tearing up a few times. She is talking about if she would change the way she did things would she, what she says is "What you give up is nothing compared with what you gain. If you don't believe that, you just don't get it." She is really so right, I have been asked if I would change things, and I know well before this book that no, not in a million years. I love the way my life has turned out. No college degree, or multimillionaire husband will change that. Everything I have done has made me who I am. The wonderful mother and wife I have become, even if I don't always feel that way. At the end of the book she says "I can feel, with every tiny bit of my being, that this is where I am supposed to be. it's not tragic, it's not second best - it's perfect." What she says is the truth, and even if I didn't have it as hard as her, I know that I feel the same way. My life may not be what my family dreamed for me, or even what my husbands family dreamed for him. But everyday we make our dreams come true, together, and we couldn't be happier doing it. That's all that matters.
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